"New Clean Energy Power Source Identified in Woods Hole"

Willis Montgomery, Correspondent

A new clean and unlimited power source has been identified in Woods Hole. Baristas at Coffee-O have been able to synthesize caffeine and the sound of unhappy children waiting in massive lines at local sandwich shops to form "ultra-stress". This new form of energy was primarily designed by Kate Hosenfeffer, the manager of Coffee-O.

"We simply put two and two together", said Hosenfeffer. "We've seen scientists all over the world struggling with this issue for years and not be able to solve it, frankly, they just needed some help. We just capture the energy and use it" , said the Mensa International member.

Using WHOI maintained Linux clusters, Hosenfeffer and other baristas were able to synthesize the new "ultra-stress" energy source molecule and successfully store it in the "Organic Sumatran" beverage currently for sale at Coffee-O.

Year round residents of Falmouth will have first access to the new ultra-stress energy source via the Falmouth for Life ID cards now available at the Harbormaster's office near Falmouth inner harbor.

The new energy source will also heat homes, locate affordable housing and secure reliable contractors.